Why don't men say, ‘I love you'?

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When it comes to declaring one’s love, many men are hesitant or reluctant to utter these tender words of endearment that a woman aches to hear. Guys find themselves holding back and fighting shy. Some feel awkward and uncomfortable and would rather avoid saying it. What prevents a man from saying “I love you” not just to his lady love but even to his wife/partner to whom he is committed for life? Why are the guys so tight- lipped to utter what the gals die to hear?

by Hemjith Bharathan

Why are men hesitant to say, “I love you” to their wives in our country? Find some reasons for this. I love you. Perhaps these three little words mean the world to a woman. They are all that she longs to hear from her man. These magical words can make her go dizzy with love and it lodges her man permanently in her heart. For, to a woman, “I Love You” is the ultimate.

Yet when it comes to declaring one’s love, many men are hesitant or reluctant to utter these tender words of endearment that a woman aches to hear. Guys find themselves holding back and fighting shy. Some feel awkward and uncomfortable and would rather avoid saying it. What prevents a man from saying “I love you” not just to his lady love but even to his wife/partner to whom he is committed for life? Why are the guys so tight- lipped to utter what the gals die to hear?

Not even once
Pavithri Ranjit says, “I know my husband loves me. But he shows all his love through his actions and has never ever said ‘I love you’ during the 30 years of our married life.”

Sheeja Shaji, a young wife, adds, “love to a man may be more of action and less talk, but in my case (and I guess most other women’s too) I would love to hear those three little words from my husband. A man I guess, is reluctant to say ‘I love you’ for he may feel weak and vulnerable. They are scared of the commitment attached to those words and a responsibility that he is not sure he can handle.”

But aren’t they already committed to their wives? Then why the discomfiture and embarrassment in speaking out? Is it such a huge step for them?
“It is ego,” claims Vanaja Lakshmanan, a senior citizen, “they may fall off their high pedestal if they speak what is in their hearts. Growing up on a diet of Mills and Boon and entering married life starry eyed, I longed to hear those three little words from my husband, who is now no more. But they never came my way. I guess our culture too has a part to play for Indian men are brought up to assume they are superior than women”.

And Meena Jayaram declares mockingly, “Husbands may say ‘I love you.’ But it may be to other women and not to their wives!”

So why are the guys so uptight in saying it loud and clear? After all it’s just a matter of three little words. Does it make them vulnerable or do they see danger lurking behind it?

Here’s what the guys (or “blokes” to some women) have to say. “It is true guys feel uneasy saying ‘I love you’,” admits Vishnu Shaji a young husband, “But it is not just ego alone that makes a man uneasy, saying it as commonly assumed by women. It may also be fear that she might not respond with equal affection or that she may even laugh it off and that can be very demoralizing. For when a guy says I love you, he means it.”

Guys too have feelings and the feeling of rejection may make them think twice. Ajay Thamby says, “Guys too love to hear ‘ILU’ from their wives. Husbands relish it. But coming to think of it, why do the dames lay so much stress on it when their hubbies express their love day in and day out through so many ways? In these over stressed times when there is hardly time for romance, couples should take the cue, take a deeper look and understand the shallowness of frivolous words.”

Constant assurance
So men expect wives to understand their love from actions. But wives need something more. They want constant assurances and reassurances of her man’s love. And saying “I love you” is a sure way to all round happiness at home.

However Mohammed Lal says, “It’s true. It’s high time men opened up and told their wives directly ‘I love you’. For as Indians we are quite conservative.” But having said this, like all men, will he or won’t he?

So come on guys walk up to your wives today and tell her you love her. You may see the sunshine on her face, something that you may have never seen. And you have nothing to lose. It may shed your inhibitions. And above all, it may rekindle an old spark. For life is short.
And once you say it, you will not find it difficult at all to say it again.

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