‘Please, dont ignore us, we are your parents’



Dear Jyothi:

I am a very sad father.  I have three children who are all grown. I have been a good father.  I have paid for all their college and post-graduate programs and through their residencies.  Now, they are too busy to talk to me or to their mother. I will call them. I know that they are home, but they don’t answer their phone.  They have caller ID, so they know that it is us.  I am so depressed that I failed to be close to my children.  I wanted to be, but I worked long hours.  I thought that it was enough.  Their mother has some health issues, whenever we call and tell them that we have not heard from them. Then, they become short with us, and refuse to talk to us.  We may not hear from them for three months.  We could be dead and they would not even know. We are heartbroken. What should I do?
— Heartbroken.

Dear Friend:

I am so sorry.  I have heard from other parents who are experiencing these changing attitudes of their children, many children in the US are so extremely busy with their careers.  They are putting an emphasis on working, and being with their friends. They are forgetting their family values. Parents are not perfect.  However, in most cases, they are trying to do their best. With your married children, sometimes, it is the spouse, sometimes, it is the children themselves.  They might be trying to show their independence.  However, it is not acceptable. How can you mend any relationships will have to be two-sided.  Apparently, when you do remind them, they become nasty.  Where do you begin?  You and your wife have to tell them that you are very unhappy about all this.  Tell them that you love them. Ask them why they are acting this way? If they deny their behavior, ask them what you all could do to improve your situation?  If they refuse to do anything, ask   them whether they would go for family counseling? Don’t give up.  Just continue to contact them. Hopefully, you will be able to win them over. I am sorry that there is no perfect answer.
— Jyothi

By Jyothi Rao

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