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Dear Didi

Daughter’s choice worries parents

By Jyothi Rao

Dear Jyothi
Please advise us. We could not believe another family is suffering like we are.
Our daughter is seeing someone, who refuses to meet us too. He is claiming that he doesn’t know how this will work. Therefore, according to his country’s background he doesn’t want to declare himself. We are worried about this. What do you think?
— Worried parents

Dear Friends:
I agree with you. I would be wary of anyone, who is proclaiming to be caring for your daughter, but refuses to meet you. He should meet the family that loves their daughter. It sounds like an excuse to avoid any commitment. He is getting his own way. I would be worried about the future. Would he be refusing to have anything to do with you, if they were to get married? Your daughter needs to be concerned about this attitude, because it could be the beginning of an abusive relationship. Often abusers want to isolate their partner in order to exert control.
I hope your daughter has a reality check. This does not sound like a healthy relationship.
If this continues, please urge your daughter to get counseling.
— Jyothi

Dear Jyothi Auntie:
I know that this sounds trivial. My best friend and I are going to be roommates at college. She has started being beserk about everything. She has chosen the décor of our dorm. She wants everything to be matching. Plus she wants me to share the cost of all these expensive items for our room. She wants us to have a refrigerator and separate freezer, microwave, and a flat screen TV. My family doesn’t have that much money. We are struggling for tuition. I am beginning to regret this move.
Please help. We are going off to college in a few weeks.
— Stressed student

Dear Friend:
Wow. Your friend sounds like a Bridezilla. You are just going to have to be honest with your friend. You will have to be firm. First, tell her that your budget does not allow for all these expensive items. You can pick up a microwave for about $75. and a refrigerator for $100. Tell her that if there is a microwave on the floor, you could use that. The refrigerator might be the wisest, because often hungry students will eat your food that would be stored in a common refrigerator in your dorm. Regarding the TV, tell it is too expensive. You can always get to meet new people by watching TV at your dorm or elsewhere on the campus. If you don’t like her choice of matching linens, tell her you want to opt for coordinating colors. Your friend might be over the limit, but hopefully once classes start, she will calm down.
— Jyothi Auntie.

jyothirao214@yahoo.com